Marriage in Islam

Marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman and it is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah unites two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice. A righteous woman is the greatest blessing that Allah can give to a man, for with her he can find comfort, tranquility and pleasure.

Allah has given us women many advises as well as admonitions regarding our behaviour and conduct towards our husbands both in the Holy Quran as well as in the narrations of the Rasool [s].

From these, we see the many rights of women as wives, but at the same time, we must not overlook our duties and responsibilities. Our Jannat can be easily attainable by our mere obedience to Allah and His Rasool [s], and our obedience to our husband.

Quraanic Verses:

1. "And among His signs is this, He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]..." (30:21)
   
   
2. "They your wives, are as a garment to you and you are as a garment to them." (2:187)
   
   
3. "It is He who has created you from a single person and then He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her."
   
   
4. "And let those who do not find the financial means for marriage, keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty."
   

Ahaadith:

1. "This world is just temporary conveniences, and best comfort in this world is a righteous woman." [Muslim]
   
   
2. "If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah and mischief will become widespread on earth." [Tirmidhi]
   
   
3. Aishah (RA) asked the Messenger of Allah (S): "Who has the greatest rights over a woman?" He said, "Her husband." She asked, "And who has the greatest rights over a man?" He said, "His mother."
   
   
4. "If a woman prays her five time daily prayers, fasts in the month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish."
   
   
5. "If a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding her camel [i.e., very busy]." And: "If a man calls his wife, then let her come, even if she is busy at the oven." [Tirmidhi]
   
   
6. "If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning." [Bukhari]
   
   
7. The Messenger of Allah (S) said: "There are three people whose prayers will not be accepted, nor their good works: a disobedient slave until he returns to his masters and puts his hand in theirs; a woman whose husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her again; and the drunkard, until he becomes sober."
   
   
8. "Each of you is a shepherd, and each is responsible for those under his care. A ruler is a shepherd; a man is the shepherd of his family; a woman is the shepherd of her husband's house and children. For each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for those under his care." [Bukhari]
   
   
9. "O women, give charity, for I have surely seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell." They asked, "Why is this so, O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "Because you curse too much {make bad duas}, and are ungrateful for good treatment (on the part of your husbands). Even if you treated (ungrateful women) well for an entire lifetime, then she saw one fault in you, she would say, 'I have never seen anything good from you!' [Bukhari]
   
   
10. "The woman who passed away in such a state that her husband was pleased with her, has entered Paradise." [Tirmidhi]
    

Incident:

Among the great Muslims who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan [RA]. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas [RA]. When she embraced Islam, her husband was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year-old son Anas [RA].

One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Madinah liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, "O Abu Talhah, do you know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shaped by the slave of Banu so-and-so." He said, "Of course." She said, "Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of so-and-so?"

Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: "O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr) and I would ask you for nothing more.

He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistence and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn."

Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Lord burn? Then he uttered the words: "Ashhadu an la ilaha illa Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah." Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, "O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah." So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.

Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym's disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, "O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah, and I will not take any other dowry." She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah.

As she heard the Prophet (S) say: "If Allah were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels." [extremely virtuous]


Another Incident:

Umme Sulaim was then married to Abu Talhah (RA) and had a son named Abu Umair from him. The Prophet (S) used to go to her house and play with the child. One day, Abu Umair was ill and Abu Talhah (RA) was fasting. While Abu Talhah (RA) was out on his job, the child died. She washed and enshrouded the dead baby and laid it on the cot. She then herself took a bath and changed her clothes. When the husband returned home and had his meal, he asked her: "How is the child?" She replied: "He is now in peace." He was satisfied.

The couple shared the bed for the night. When they got up in the morning, they had the following conversation:

Umme Sulaim (RA): "I have a question to ask you."
Abu Talhah (RA): "What is that?"
Umme Sulaim (RA): "Suppose a person is entrusted with something. Should he deliver up on demand that which is entrusted to him or not."
Abu Talhah (RA): "He must deliver up. He has no right to hold it back."
Umme Sulaim (RA): "Abu Umair was entrusted to us by Allah. He has taken him back."
Abu Talhah (RA) was filled with grief. He simply said: "But why did you not inform me before?"

He went to the Prophet (S) and narrated the story to him. He (s) prayed for him and said: "Allah is likely to bless your sharing the bed with your wife last night." One of the sahabas said: "I lived to see the effect of the Prophet's blessing. As a result of his union with his wife on that night, Abu Talhah (RA) had a son named Abdullah. This Abdullah had nine sons, all of whom were Qurra.

It needs much courage and patience to do what Umme Sulaim (RA) did at the death of her son. She did not like her husband to know about the death of her son until he had eaten and rested. She exercised thorough patience at the time of a trial and calamity. As such Allah was pleased with her. In her, are fantastic qualities that we as Muslim women should inculcate into our lives, Insha Allah.


A Mother's best Wedding Present - Sound Advice (Umamah bint al-Harith (RA)

'O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.'

Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.

'The first and the second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to obeying one's husband pleases Allah.'

'The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.'

'The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.'

'The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.'

'The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.'

'Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgement, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.'

'Show him as much honour and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.'

'Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you.'

These noble women possessed great qualities that afforded them the pleasure of their husband, as well as that of Allah. May Allah bless you and I with similar noteworthy traits. Ameen.