Conception and even matchmaking preludes good children.

Some Scholars of Islam state that a man will be asked on the Day of Judgement about his fulfilling his child's rights, before the child is asked about obedienece to her/his parents.

Marrying women who are pious, educated, who knows Quran and are loving endows the child certain noble characteristics that get transmitted through breastfeeding. Once a man complained to Umar, The Caliph, of his bad-behaved son and he scolded the father for not choosing a believing mother for the boy, a meaningful self-prophesizing name and teaching his empty brains Quran!

Sheikh AbdulHaq Delhawi declared once, while commenting on the Prophet's advise of reciting Bismillah before relations before Satan gets in, that "it is the main reason why the morals of the present generation are not good."


Parenting begins since the womb.

Science has also verified that the foetus can think. Before 120 days the foetus does not think: "The brain of the foetus appears to be electrically silent during the first six weeks of life. After this time, slowly activities of low intensity occur. So although the brain is at least 'moving', it is not 'thinking' in any real sense." (The Thinking Foetus)

But after 120 days, when the spirit (ruh) enters the foetus, brain activities place: "The foetus becomes conscious sometime during the second trimester...There is ultrasound evidence that about 23 weeks (161 days) the foetus dreams. Dreaming is certainly an indication of the presence of the mental capabilities required for thought..." (The Thinking Foetus)

One other important development during this stage is the ability to distinguish and recognise sounds. Experiments have been carried out that proved this:

1. When words were repeated by the mother to her foetus, after it is born, the baby will prefer a story that has been read twice a day to it, when it was a foetus, to a new one.
   
2. A newborn will recognise and copy its mother's words.
   
3. When theme music to a program was played, a newborn whose mother watched the show during pregnancy will calm down.
   

What is significant about this is that babies can be taught the Quran while they were in their mother's womb. Moulana Ilyas recounts that he was born already knowing some 14 parts of the Quran, thanks to his mother's regular Quranic readings as lullaby!


Islamising the technique of teaching children.

But how do we go about Islamising? The answer is to take a look around us and put it all into an Islamic context: Who created it? Who cause it to look like that, behave like that and move like that? Who gave us knowledge of such things? It is Allah. Always emphasize that Allah, the Great, is behind everything that we see, hear, smell, touch and feel. Even when examples or analogies are needed, use Islamic teaching of morals and values such as situations involving salah (prayer), zakaah (poor-due), sawm (fasting), hajj (pilgrimage), sadaqah (charity), brother/sisterhood, kindness to parents, people, animals the possibilities are endless. Do not just use "She was given this..." instead say, "Why was she given it? Because she was a good daughter, kind to people, shared her lunch," and so forth.

Take the case of teaching young children how to count numbers. Instead of saying one apple, two oranges, three bananas and so on, why not reinforce Islamic concepts into it? For instance, there is a book called "Counting with Ehsan" which incorporates the concept of going to and being at the mosque. This book takes the young learners on a trip to the mosque with Ehsan and sees what he sees while teaching them numbers. That is, Ehsan accompanied by his father, upon entering the mosque, saw one Imam. Before, they could begin any of their prayers, they need to perform wudu and upon entering the washing room Ehsan saw two Muslims taking wudu, and so forth. When teaching young children about nature, one should reinforce the concept of Allah being the Creator who created all things. For instance, rather than saying, "The sun is hot, the wind is blowing, the birds are singing", try and say, "Allah created the sun and made it hot to give us warmth. Allah created the wind and tells it to blow so that it keeps us cool on a hot day. Allah created the birds and inspired them to sing. When the birds are singing, they are actually saying Subhanallah and Allahu Akbar. Remember the little girls singing in Madina. They were only disapproved when they went beyond and sang-we have a Prophet who knows the future! Kids need to assimilate and young Aishah wasn't refused her dolls as she went to her groom's home!


Why Playgroup and Nursery talk about Allah?

Playgroup is a gathering of women and children where both adult and child interact with their peers whilst keeping an eye on each other. It is also a setting conducive to learning more about your child and yourself. For example, a mum may be surprised to learn that a normally boisterous child at home may be timid at playgroup (well, until he/she is familiar with the people and place) or vice versa. And the child learns many things such as sharing, gross motor skills, fine motor skills and a bit of independence with the security of mum, teacher or grandma around. Dr. Christopher Green says "although the child is too young to play with other children, he plays happily alongside them and generally enjoys their company." This goes to say that playgroup is for babies, infants and preschoolers. Even though a preschooler will be able to be more independent in their activities, an infant still learns skills enabling him/her to progress. Furthermore, "by attending playgroup the isolated mum avoids becoming entombed in her own home. She hears what problems other mothers are experiencing. Then sees she is normal and not alone" (Green: 1990).

This is true so far as you are able to attend a playgroup where a majority of other women are of common ground. By interacting early with toddlers and playing with them while remembering Allah we set a firm foundation of God-consciousness that gets unchallenged in the upcoming years of corruption. The Prophet used to play camel riding with his little Hasan and Husain and would show them his taunting tongue while cuddling them regularly- a new recommendation for hell-raisers presently! He once said: Play with them for seven years, teach them for seven and befriend them for seven then let them loose! Baihaqi. With such training they'll surely confide in you their every privacy and return to you regardless of any stringency.


Learning through models.

The theory goes that a person is born with a set of inherited emotions that stays with him throughout his life. This is called personality. Whereas, attitudes are gained through learning, which, represents the mental or thinking side of him. These attitudes can stay the same by reinforcement of old experiences or can change through new experiences. Taken together, personality and attitude form a person's behaviour. What this means is that, since personality is inherited, we cannot change a person's personality. But, we can change a person's overall behaviour by changing his attitudes. Since attitudes represent our thinking and since our thinking controls our emotions, it follows that if we can change his attitudes then we can change his behaviors.

For example, when a child displays violent behaviors such as verbally or physically abusing someone, we seek to change his attitudes and not his personality. In this situation, his violent behaviors could be from his personality or from his attitudes, or both. But as was pointed out above, the key to changing behaviour is to change attitudes. Now to do so we must find the source of his current attitudes, snip that source in the bud and provide alternative sources of the new attitude. Take the example from above whose child is violent. Models could include friends, school, hobbies, sports, movies, singers, books, magazines, Internet and also family members. We must determine which are the ones that are teaching him these bad attitudes. Once we have found it, we cut it at the source. That is, separate the child from the model. We then provide Islamic models such as Prophet Muhammad (s), all the prophets (a), companions (r) and Muslim heroes. We give him books, magazines and games about these people, we provide him with Muslim friends and we encourage him to attend Islamic camps and other Islamic gatherings. A famous hadith in Bukhari and Muslim explains that the example of good and bad company is like that of a perfume shop and a blacksmith's. Even if you don't do anything you'll leave smelling sweet or smoky respectively! Just let them have a good environment and you'll soon see flowers of God's garden.


Socialization process and violent ones.

Schooling is mostly about socialization, and academics are often short-changed as students begin boy-girl relationships and strive to fit in with the "in" crowd. Children are masters of learning through observation and pick up many of their habits and skills simply by living life and being attuned to the people and world around them. Not only must we secure good playing friends early but avoid settling conflicts and carry on rude behaviour in front of them. You wonder they are so violent but you beat them to shut up instead of saying to them its wrong and reward them for good behaviour. They become wife beaters if their fathers were women bashers and girls will definitely not flirt if they saw a respected mother preserving modesty in every calculated move of hers. The Prophet of Islam advised sternly so many centuries ago that kids should be separated early in their sleeping quarters; begin praying as early as seven and should not be whipped, except for good reasons and that must be done mildly and sensibly when they mature at 14. Children must be explained why they are being disciplined coupled with love and not publicly disgraced, otherwise hate and retaliation will be bred later. Win them then change them.

We must saturate their lives with it. Have our libraries filled with stories of Muslim prophets and heroes. Find time to tell them these stories, no matter how old our children are. All children of all ages need heroes. Once they have a love for these people then you will find that our children will want to be just like them and as a result, they will think and act like them. How many of us do Taleem at home or really have a family night? Reading instead of TV Watching should be well rewarded. A friend of mine who became Hafiz in Canada at his mother's hands said she would reward him with candies and sometimes a few bucks if he woke up and prayed or finished his lessons successfully!


Dressing them accordingly early.

Any parent of a young girl (Muslim or not) has certainly experienced the shock of trying to find decent clothes for his or her daughter. On any trip to a popular clothing store around, you'll be stunned to discover that all of the clothes for little girls are designed to enhance their female traits (breast, hips, legs, etc.) which are not even developed, while the styles mimic those of older teenaged girls (who have also been short-changed by society's molding of them into miniature women.) Even a lot of the shoes sport high heels! Simply put, there are no clothes for little girls. So it is not surprising that we find most girls in Guyana dressed in styles which do not suit them and which also contribute to them being harassed by boys and later (as they grow older) by men.

Though it is widely acknowledged by society that the early years are the formative years, it is strange that so little attention is paid to how young girls dress. Given the respect that Islam demands for its women, Muslims must take extra care to dress their young daughters accordingly. While this does not necessarily mean they should wear Hijab before the age of seven (though there is nothing wrong with that), they should, in my opinion, be dressed modestly in long, loose-fitting clothes. They should also wear pants under their dresses because girls at this age play a lot (doing cartwheels, rolling around on the ground, etc.), and they should have the freedom to do all that without the embarrassment of having their undergarments exposed. The Prophet, on whom be peace, hated to see young boys wearing gaudily colours and young girls wearing transparent material.


Recommendation.

Live up to moral teachings early and make your home a place of love; you'll see that the budget expending on children's education is no luxury.